lovenotes
the blog (me. through stories and pictures and videos and poems) |
The article, as translated to me by my Finnish friend Roope, starts like this: ‘Kenyan Cosmopolitan Ondi Madete is a singer-songwriter and a lawyer by education. Now she works as a cleaner at Merikarvia and can’t wait to be back on the stage.’ If I say that I’ve been hesitant to share this article I bet you would be able to tell me why that is. I bet you could tell me the exact word that has made it so instead of sharing it when it came out I took some time to think about it. Here is my step by step thought process: 1. Hey! an article about me in a newspaper in Finland! 2. The article is beautifully written and truthful and captures how I feel and where I’ve been and where I hope to go wonderfully. 3. The pictures are dope. 4. What is the title of the article again? Eeeee… 5. What do I tell people when they ask what the title is? Do I translate the whole thing or just the first part? 6. Why wouldn’t I translate the whole thing? There is no shame in cleaning? Right?... 7. Right?... 8. Right, there is no shame in cleaning. I’m not ashamed of it… but… I’m still hesitant. Why? 9. Maybe I feel like I should be ashamed of it. 10. Since when do you do what people you should? 11. Okay that came out wrong… 12. Since when did what people thought you should feel become what you felt? 13. Since I started looking for a job in Finland and realized I would more often than not be judged by the colour of my skin and last name. And I didn’t want to fall under the umbrella of foreign cleaner. 14. But it’s a job! By the sea! In Summer! And you get to play music! And meet new people! 15. I know! 16. So? 17. So! So I'm an artist right? I mean art is my life. To me, the world only makes sense through art; poetry, stories, films, songs, music... these are the ways I know that I exist, that I feel, that I am. 'I think therefore I am,' doesn't apply to me, as much as 'I create therefore I can be.' For example. While I was getting a law degree; I joined a band, wrote for a magazine, and created, curated and organised Kiota a monthly event of creative sharing among artist in Nairobi. I did not do these things for money. I did it because any way I can consume and create and explore art is worth its weight in experiential gold. 'I create therefore I can be.' For example, I have been the vocalist in three different bands since Yellow Light Machine (the first band.) I did some tracks with Alan Strani which I loved doing because the process of creating with him was organic, and safe and warm and imbued with friendship and good feelings. I also wrote with Rahul who was an activist and loved his girlfriend and wrote song for the earth and to her. I wrote and sung with Todd who had no two songs alike. And played most of the instruments in his album while working a full time job in an NGO somewhere. For example I crowd funded and managed to record and release an EP called Tangawizi after a summer in Italy spent busking, eating, drinking, and rediscovering myself outside of motherhood, and relationships, and work, and expectations. For example I played death and walked around the streets of Spoleto, Italy in black with a scythe. Sometimes with a this epic white dog, sometimes with my friends, in front of cathedrals and in empty squares. Why? Because art! For example, I moved to Finland last September and the first thing I did once I got assimilated was to find places to gig. I was directed to Annis, a historically awesome place and had my first gig to a small crowd. It was awesome. And also my last performance for six months. Moving to Finland has been hard. The hardest part has been being so thoroughly part of a system. I feel like the Finnish system is a blanket that is supposed to keep you warm but the blanket wasn't made for me. Instead I feel cold. Maybe the winter chill seeped into my system. Maybe it's being so far away from the music and creative scene which is like the pulse that keeps my happiness breathing. Maybe it's living in a small town where the population of black people, or people of colour is low enough that every time I see one I smile and wave, and they wave back. I said in the article that it felt racist but really I think it's just the unknown. The same way in a village in Kenya, when they see white people for the first time they shout 'mzungu mzungu!' some do the same thing here just not aloud. Not everyone of course. I've made amazing friends here, one lady helped me find this job, as the part time cleaner; the couple who own Merry Monk where I will be working, gave me a chance because I went to the interview with an ukulele and played them a song; because of a video you can find on the Merry Monk facebook page, a lady from a newspaper called and she wrote this article about me because of the stories I tell. I tell stories because of my art, my curiosity. The point of all this is to show you, but really myself, that I am more than a system, more than a number, more than a job application. I am an artist. Yes, I am part of a system, and more often than not I hate it, but ironically that hate is also fodder for my creativity; so i can't hate it that much. And this summer I'm to be a part time cleaner, and I am not ashamed. I refuse to let the system make me feel ashamed. I still feel like I should be. I still pause before I tell people. And sometimes I don't tell them at all. Because the society I comes from says there is a place for cleaners, and there is a place for musicians, and doctors, and plumbers, and drivers, and guards, and firepeople (fuck the patriarchy!) And society is wrong. In the end the barriers we create saying one is more one is less is based around money, and class, and expectation. In the end we are all people, born from the wombs of our mothers and turned to dust when our time comes. The womb and the dust don't care that I'm a cleaner. They care that I live. And I'd like to think they wouldn't want me to feel shame. I am an immigrant, East African, black, female cleaner living in small town in Finland. I know how it looks and I don't care. Because everything is beautiful through the lens of art. The way it should be anyway. And I never want to take for granted the gift of that perspective; because whether I am cleaning, studying law, creating music, making videos, writing articles, teaching, or being a mom I am experiencing the world in all its wonder through the eyes of an artist. No system will ever take that away from me... I hope... hehe Since the pandemic lockdown started, I've been doing a series called #lovenoteforthesadgirlinthejeancoat or #lovenote. Also a blog. It is the one of the ways I have remained sane. I explore lenses, and emotions, and perspectives, and landscapes and people. Creativity is my medicine, my meditation, my safe space. I create to make sense of the world and I share it to connect. Ondi 5.13.2021
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ondi is a musician, artist, writer, teacher, lawyer mother, filmmaker, photographer and general creative soul. she loves sharing and exploring creative expression. |